Thursday, November 29, 2007

Lost in Bad Poetry

If you're wondering what I've been up to since I got to Chicago a week ago, I can sum it up in two words:

Getting lost.

I get lost on the way to the grocery store. Lost on my way to pick up my cousin for dinner. I was all proud of myself Tuesday because I managed to find a furniture outlet on the city's northwest side in record time -- but then I got confused on the way home, and stuck behind the wheel during rush hour for two hours.

The only good thing about spending all this time in Gus is that it allows me to catch up on all the big hits on the radio.

And that has led me to an important discovery about recording artists our age.

They are some truly awful poets getting played on the air.

Gone are the days when sultry voices croon love songs that make us melt. Here's how today's performers profess their passion (a few of the examples from my car research):

The "Rogaine" song:
"I'd buy you Rogaine. When you start losing all your hair
Sew on patches to all you tear." -- Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am

Oh Honey, I love you so much I'll spring for the balding cream for your shiny head.

American Idol Girl's Ink:
"You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo,
just like a tattoo
I'll always have you
I'll always have you. -- Jordin Sparks -- Tattoo

This made me laugh out loud. How is being compared to a tattoo romantic?

Kiss Kiss
he want that lovey dovey (lovey dovey)
kiss kiss (kiss kiss)
Her mind she fantasize bout' gettin' wit' me
They hatin' on me (hatin' on me)
They only diss diss (diss diss)
Cause' she mine, and so fine
and thick as can be -- Chris Brown Featuring T. Pain "Kiss Kiss"

Not only is there the clever kiss/kiss/diss/diss pairing, but he tells her he loves her because she's thick. Be still my heart.

I'm sure music snobs will say that pop music lyrics are always bad, and that you can't expect much from manufactured sounds that get repeated every hour. But (yes, I'll admit it) I'm usually pretty versed on Top 40 garbage, and I swear this batch of bad lyrics is worse than any I've ever heard before.

I mean - don't these stars have producers or publicists to stop them from their embarrassing verse? Could they possibly be letting the bad lyrics slide because they think, gasp, that they're beautiful?

Now that I've started paying attention to this stuff, I can barely stand it. I'll be all alone, lost on Chicago's streets, and screaming at the radio.

For the sake of not scaring away potential new friends in this new city, I think I'm going to need to start carrying around CDs in my car. Or just walking everywhere.

8 comments:

Farrah said...

My favorite stupid song lyric of the moment is in Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry", in which she sings, "I'm going to miss you like a child misses their blanket."

ozricale said...

This obviously can only mean one thing: you're getting old. Maturity has a way of sneeking up on you.

freckle face said...

francine wants you to contact her since she does not have an email address for you.
Hope you are enjoying your getting lost in your new home.
Missing you in mke!!!

Michael said...

LUCKILY I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM BECAUSE 88.9FM RADIO MILWAUKEE IS AWESOME!!! JUST LIKE MILWAUKEE ; )-DON ESCO

matt said...

I'm so glad I found Vikki again - it's been a rough few weeks without my 3x a week posts. ozricale could be right...age does tend to make us a bit stodgy in our thinking :-)

bradysmom said...

Although I do like the "kiss, kiss" song, only for the music part of it, I do agree that the lyrics are ridiculous. Thank god for CD players and satellite radio!

Ken in Michigan said...

Hi Vikki-

Two things:
1) I thought you grew up in Chicago? What's with getting lost?

2) TWO WORDS: GARMIN GPS

Good luck in the Windy City!

Ken

Anthony said...

To be fair, you really have to have the street names memorized in Chicago even though it's a grid system.

I highly recommend getting an iPod (or something like that)--I haven't seriously listened to broadcast radio in ages except for NPR.