So my friend Rachel has been stumped lately by what seems to be a common male behavior.
In her words:
What's with the guys that haven't kissed us yet after a seemingly good second date? Are they just trying to be polite? Or, is that why they are still 30 and single -- because they don't know how to make the first move? I was talking to one of my guy friends (who is 34 and has been dating the same girl for a year, but was previously single for quite a while) and was explaining that I am confused by this and also by when on the second or third date the guy is still wanting to meet somewhere, as opposed to picking me up. Why? Because if you don't pick me up, you can't drop me off -- which means I can't invite you in for "coffee." He honestly thought guys are clueless on this (really?) and also thought they may not want to offend our "virtue." (Seriously, he used that word -- but he is a practicing Catholic.) I reminded him that I'm 30 and don't have much "virtue" left.
Anyone care to explain?
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8 comments:
yes, we are ABSOLUTELY clueless; and making the first move yourselves is an easy solution.
In today's world, a man is wise to honor a woman's "virtue" and respect her safety by suggesting a meeting place until he judges that she trusts him.
If I were a woman in today's crazy dating world, I wouldn't want a guy coming in my door until I knew his character.
By the way, I'm not religious (and I'm not a practicing Catholic), but I still wouldn't invite myself over to
pickup a woman unless she first asked me to do so.
As for the kiss on the second date, "yes," that's appropriate if both people are ready.
Note that guys are indeed often oblivious and scared and intimidated by women, especially men who have not dated much by age 30.
In addition, guys don't wish to scare away women by being too forward. The best way to do so is to act too early by advancing a kiss.
Better to wait -- and, in my case, my wife kissed me on the cheek first as she left our second date.
That took all the pressure off -- and, as I intimated above, guys don't like the anxiety of the decision making related to the "first moves" in the early stages of dating.
well said jac. Seems to be a fine line between going too far and not going far enough.
Vik,
Ok so guys seem to be wimps these days...not sure why when things have gone well that a scond date kiss is not presented...must be that maybe the "feeling" just wasn't right? Maybe there wasn't that vibe yet...
On the meeting vs pick up at the house? I spose the woman could say why don't you pick me up personally I would have picked her up on the first date but thats me...and well thats just what I think guys a supposed to do anyway...never got asked in for coffee in my dating years but hey...I got married to anincredible woman and have been so married to her for over 16 years...I guess that means somethng!
Im still just ed...
LOL ! just stumbled into this page...and it is quite funny !
"guys seem to be wimps" that is funny and true. if you are down for a woman then be down. why play all mr nice guy and maybe waste your time! you are not looking to be her friend, you want to be her lover so initiate that and see if she can rise to the challenge. if she pulls away from a second date kiss then you know that it is time to move on. but if there is magic in those lips, then she is worth all your efforts. buck up guys
In my opinion the kiss in the first date is the best you can ever have, when I was dating the woman who is now my wife she gave a kiss and inside her mouth there was a tablet of Generic Viagra.
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