Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Girls without Girlfriends

When I decided to move to Chicago, my brother generously offered to let me stay with him (he has a three-story condo) until I figured out what neighborhood I wanted to sign a lease in.

So the other day, I was enjoying a rare night of weeknight TV on the couch when I heard the familiar sound of my brother's key turning the lock of the back door.

Only this time, there was an unfamiliar sound accompanying the routine noise.

A woman's voice.

I listened in shock.

Could it possibly be?

Brov was bringing home the woman he's been seeing!

Quick background: Brov has been seeing a woman for over a year. They seem happy. I hear them on the phone all the time. I helped him pick out her Christmas gifts. He refers to her in everyday conversations.

But since I moved here in December, I had NEVER seen her at our place. Not once.

I asked Brov about it at one point, and he initially explained that she had family visiting from out of the country and needed to stay home with them. (???)

And then later, he leveled with me:

"She gets along better with guys. She doesn't really do well with women."

Ahhh, she's one of those girls, I thought, reminding myself of a personal belief I've held for some time:

I don't trust a girl with no girlfriends.

Now first, to be fair, I acknowledge that any significant other my Brov chooses will have a tough time. He has two younger sisters who are super close and who adore their brother and thus have high standards.

That said, I just think every woman should be able to at least chat comfortably with other women.

True, women can be more caddy, judgmental, unforgiving and overly analytical than men.

We notice cute shoes. We compare bodies. We read into things that don't need to be read into.

But that doesn't mean women uncomfortable with these qualities should abandon the gender all together.

Because beyond all that inital Mean Girls stuff, other women can also be the most nurturing, empathetic, supportive and just plain fun girls to have. Cyndi Lauper didn't write the song for nothin'.

It's easy to be the one chick hanging out with a bunch of dudes. I have lots of guy friends, and admit it is fun being the only girlie one in the room -- the one getting all the attention.

However at the end of the day, I'm proudest of my friendships with girlfriends. Because those are the ones that have been tested and earned.

If you can keep at least a girlfriend or two, I think it says something about your mental toughness. It proves you are secure enough to penetrate to that level.

So when I heard my Brov's anti-girlfriend girlfriend in the kitchen the other night, I decided to give it my best girl scout try to reach out to her.

In total scrubby sweatpants, with no makeup on, I walked upastairs and said "hi."

The anti-girlfriend girlfirend seemed a little caught off guard, but I did my best to show her I'm harmless and friendly.

After a few minutes, I dismissed myself and went to bed.

I have no idea if the gesture will help inspire the anti-girlfriend girlfriend to change her ways. I'd love it if maybe it started to make her see that women aren't always over analytical and scary.

And maybe I'm reading too much into this. But she did come back over the very next evening.


wfbdoglover said...

Well, to me someone who doesn't want to be with other family members is a red flag right there... but that's just me.

ozricale said...

I think you meant "catty".

wfbdoglover said...

"Catty" - Subtly cruel or malicious; spiteful: a catty remark.

Kinda like your comment?

1 packerfan said...


Just ed here... cool good for you to at least try. Maybe she is super shy? Maybe you intimidate her? I mean really she has to not only get your bro to like her but also you? and you write for the local paper??? You know she knows really try and reach out to her... she might be cool with you...she might even like you...

Im still just Ed and ya its been a while since Ive commented... but I don't get the direct e-mail anymore so my sometimes comments end up here...

Stay cool and remember... the packers still have the best QB in the division!

freckle face said...

hey- i love girlfriends!
Does this mean he is off the market before I even got to meet him??

Anonymous said...

even i find it vry difficult to be friends with girls!! i just dont get it!!!